so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
