Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
