I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
