Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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