Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
