so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
