A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
