Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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