people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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