You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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