the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
