It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
