my vag is so smooth its legendary
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
