so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
