I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so let's talk penis.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
