She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
