Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
