cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
