just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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