she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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