I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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