why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize