a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
