If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You made out with two different species that night
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
