At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
