i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
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So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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