People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
