True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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