Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
