I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
