His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
