I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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