Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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