God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
