i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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