I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
