dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
