.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
