Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
