There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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