shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Randomize
