Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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