Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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