Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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