I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
