one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
