i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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