obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
