Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
