ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
