32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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