Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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