since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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