I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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