I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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