You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
