i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize