He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
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