She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
