someone threw a dead crab at me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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