I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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