I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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