Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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