I cannot find my penis.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
