I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
