Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
