how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
