I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
